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Keeping the sunny side out is a step too far for many of us when times are tough and there seems to be no end to the stress of adult life.
One approach that can help us through darker days is to foster the belief that things can and will get better. One of Ireland’s most high-profile experts in positive psychology believes the key to good mental health is being kinder to ourselves and cultivating a more mindful approach to our daily lives.
Dr Maureen Gaffney is a clinical psychologist, broadcaster, and an advocate for social change. She has chaired various state and private bodies, as well as writing a number of books on mental health and wellbeing, her most recent – Your One Wild and Precious Life – won the Audience Choice accolade at the Irish Book Awards in 2021.
The book aims to encourage people to become their ‘best self’ at any age and acknowledges the fact we all hit ‘The Big Dip’ in middle age, which can be hard to overcome.
However, Maureen believes people are ‘in their prime’ in middle age and says it is never too late to take stock of where you’re at and make changes to meet life on your own terms.
Temperament
Speaking to Irish Country Living, Maureen says the first thing anyone who is struggling with their mental health needs to realise, is that they are not on their own.
“The first thing is you’re not alone if you suffer from depression or anxiety. At any one time, between 20% and 30% of people are going through a very rough time,” she says.
“The minority of these are people with long-term mental health problems, those who have a genetic predisposition towards anxiety or depression, but it’s a very inexact science. So many factors are involved from your upbringing to particular circumstances you’re facing at any given time.
“A substantial number of people who are going through a bad time are more inclined to look at things negatively due to their temperament, which can be anxious.
“You have to always bear in mind that when you are feeling down, you’re far from alone but you can put some of it down to whatever your temperament is. Once you understand that, you can manage yourself and a way out of it.”
Positive habits
On the other hand, Maureen says the research on happiness paints a much clearer picture.
“There is much better data available on happiness,” she says.
“For instance, if you plucked 100 people from a community, you’d find that 50% of people’s day-to-day happiness is down to their genetics, their temperament if you will. All you have to do is look at babies, the ones who are particularly smiley and happy. They’re the ones who are easy to rear as they attract increased affection and attention and it’s a virtual cycle.”
Maureen says that while people may not have a lot of control over their emotions, they can adopt positive habits to work towards a happier life.
“The way you go about your life, your habits of living, account for 40% of happiness,” she explains.
“If you take a different attitude to your feelings, you can manage your mood better. There is nothing more infuriating than being told to cheer up when we’re feeling low but the more control we have over our thoughts and behaviours, the more in control we are over our feelings and emotions.”
Depleted resources
To explain this better, Maureen uses a simple, but striking analogy.
“The problem is negative thoughts are much more powerful and long lasting than positive ones. Consider if you were to win €50 in a raffle draw. You’d be delighted, depending on how broke you were, and you might tell a friend or your family but you’d soon forget all about it. Now think about your reaction if you lost €50. You’d spend two days retracing your steps searching for it and it would more than likely put you in bad form.”
While internal work can help people feel lighter, Maureen acknowledges there are many external factors that prove hard to overcome when we are feeling down. She says people are still recovering from the effects of the pandemic which she says depleted everyone’s resources.
“Covid was very difficult for us all and the strain a lot of us felt left us feeling lonely and detached from life,”
she reflects.
“There are those who used the pandemic to reassess where they were at in life and make changes, whereas for others, the repeated lockdowns took a lot out of them. We were all left depleted in one way or another as we used up a lot of our resources getting through such a tough time. But the one thing the pandemic has shown us, is that we have more resources than we think and it’s now a case of building them back up.”
Maureen offers her advice on a form of self-therapy that can be used by anyone to help them improve their mood.
“Most people have automatic routines which are normal where you get up every morning, hoping to have a good day. But you have a plan in place most days to help you achieve that goal. Some days go to plan, others don’t.
“A simple task that can help manage moods is to take five or ten minutes each day to write down your thoughts as they come into your head,” she says.
“Most of us have chaotic thought processes with one thought following the other at speed. But if you commit your thoughts to paper, you will discover you have a particular way of talking to yourself which can often take the form of a situation being hopeless or of you feeling helpless. If you do this for three days, you can track your own pattern and it helps to put some kind of order on chaotic thoughts. Don’t read what you’ve written until after the three days, but this is a form of self-therapy that can help.
Sense of calm
“Another way of managing mood is to take time each day to do something that you find soothing such as going for a walk. It can be out on the farm which will seem so familiar until you take the time to stop and become aware of your surroundings. You start to look at things in a different way if you consider it to be the first or the last time you will ever see it.
“The same approach can be taken when looking at a person close to you in your life. This can help in getting you to think of things and people in a new way and if you can do this consistently, establishing a routine of even just five or ten minutes at the start of your day, it can help develop positive thoughts that set you up with a small surge of pleasure. One small good thing is often enough to break a cycle of dark thoughts and bring a sense of calm.”
Maureen says that life’s stresses and tragedies can’t be avoided but positive thoughts and experiences can in time, set people up with a small surge of pleasure.
“Life is completely unpredictable and bad things happen but so too do unexpected good things so don’t close yourself off to those possibilities by isolating yourself when you’re feeling down,” she says.
“If you have had anxiety or depression, you’re naturally going to be very cautious about accepting invitations to events or to meet up with friends but no one will expect you to be the life and soul of the party, nor should they.
“But by attending that meeting or function you are cultivating an openness to the possibility of new experiences which increases the potential for feeling good.”
Some of Maureen’s top tips to improving mental health include:
• Establishing a routine – this is the most practical step to take when trying to improve mood.
• Small steps are crucial – just five minutes of mindfulness or journaling has shown to promote positive mental health.
• Getting out in nature – it is one of the most reliable ways to soothe anxiety.
Check out psychologicalsociety.ie; this online directory is to help you find a psychologist who is recognised by the Psychological Society of Ireland (PSI) as being a Chartered Member of the Society.
Always talk to your GP, they can help you find supports and services for your needs.
Check out hse.ie/mental-health/services-support/supports-services/
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