Dedicated follower of fashion

Murphy,” declared my old English teacher, “you will never get on in life dressed like that!” He advised us pupils, that if we dressed well and spoke well, we would succeed in life. And while I spoke well, I will be the first to admit that I did not conform to his standard of dress.

“You look like one of those boat people,” he commented. It was the mid-1980s and Vietnamese refugees were on boats in the news at the time, looking for a safe haven in the world. And in a way, I suppose I did look like one.

We were not allowed to wear runners other than for sports events. So I found shoes that looked very like runners

I was a sallow-skinned, skinny little teenager with a mop of dark hair, sometimes with a hint of a mullet or one of those rats tails that were fashionable at the time – which was frowned upon in our private school. Especially so when I represented the school outside the hallowed walls on the Irish debating team.

But what really upset the authorities were my shoes. We were not allowed to wear runners other than for sports events. So I found shoes that looked very like runners. I happily pulled them off when stopped by school staff, to show that they were made of leather.

Then one day the president of the school informed me that the little fashionable tail of hair at the back of my skull was to be cut off, as we had reached the Munster final for schools debating. It did not befit the school.

Luckily for me, a solution was found. One of the team wore braces on his teeth and he had these miniature elastic bands to keep them in place. The tail was tied up and hidden underneath the rest of my hair. It was pulled out again once we passed through the school gates. And we won the Munster final in Cork.

I was given a dressing down about my non-conformist hair

A few days later, coming from the shower after a match, my wet hair hung down as the president passed the teams dressing room. He spotted the tail. I was given a dressing down about my non-conformist hair, my shoes, my baggy jumpers, my army jacket, my scarf and my reading material – which he regularly confiscated (Hot Press, my bible at the time).

Once more I was told to lose the tail. So once again it was pinned up with the elastic band.

Shoes of black, brown or blue leather only were permitted in the school

We went on to win the All-Ireland. Me, my team and my tail. I cut it off a few days later, not because I had to, but because a barber thinned it out for me and left about three wisps of hair.

That summer, the school sent out a letter. They were introducing a uniform for the first time. The three junior years would wear it with immediate effect. Shoes of black, brown or blue leather only were permitted in the school.

But as I was going in to the senior classes, it didn’t apply to me. Apart from the shoes. So I bought a pair of very trendy 1980s ankle boots. And they were brown.

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Not just surviving, but thriving