Parenting: back to school, back to reality

Too soon? Whether we like it or not, the countdown is on.

With routines slipping during the summer, it’s time to organise haircuts, scrub nails and polish shoes ahead of the new academic year. Ease the way back in with these five top tips.

1. Nerves

“It is completely normal for many children to be a bit anxious about either starting or going back to school,” says Dr Mary O’Kane, lecturer in psychology and education, and author of Anxious Children in an Anxious World: Facing Fears and Finding Brave.

“Anxiety is the body’s normal response to uncertainty. So, try to remind them that nerves are normal, we can do that by validating their emotions.”

Instead of saying ‘don’t be silly’ or ‘it’ll be grand’, say ‘it’s only natural to feel nervous starting a new school’ then ‘I wonder is there something we could do to help you feel calmer?’, advises Mary.

Help your child calm down by practising taking slow, deep breaths with them and remind them about good memories that they have from school or preschool.

“If our children are struggling with separation on their first day of school, every parental instinct we have tells us to wrap our arms around them, to protect them and keep them safe,” says Mary.

“But if we seem unsure, we are sending them the message that maybe all is not well, and that maybe they are right to feel anxious.”

Reassure them that even though they feel a little nervous, they have everything they need inside them to face new challenges. “If we show that we believe they are strong and capable, they will believe it too.”

2. Sleep matters

Relaxing bedtime routines and staying up later playing outside is synonymous with many children’s summers. But when should we start getting back on track?

“Start getting the kids back into routine a week to 10 days in advance of them going back to school,” says Ursula Quinn, paediatric sleep consultant.

Begin with earlier wake times and breakfasts and moving bedtime earlier as well.

“Having a chat with your child, let them choose stories – having one-to-one time with a parent, makes a really big difference to help them go to sleep,” adds Ursula.

So does predictability around what happens before bed, giving their bodies a chance to wind down. “It’s OK to be in charge of bedtime as a parent – that actually helps kids feel secure.”

3. Meal times

Moving to the structure of set breakfast times and school lunches after grazing and relaxed mealtimes over the summer can be unsettling for children.

If breakfast time is challenging, Dr Colette Reynolds, health psychologist and founder of Growing Healthy Eaters recommends talking to your child to explain why breakfast is so important, ensuring they’re not too hungry in the morning, helping them concentrate better, enjoy school better and have more energy for play.

If children aren’t interested in eating before they leave in the morning, Colette suggests offering a small drink, such as water, to help stimulate their appetite.

She recommends children help to make lunch or make it themselves, depending on their age. Offering choices is an effective way of having their input if this isn’t feasible.

If children want to eat the same lunch every day, they can soon tire of it, often stopping to eat it altogether. In this case, Colette suggests giving them two lunch options that they can rotate between every second day.

4. Hitting reset

If screentime has gone into overdrive over the summer it might be time to hit the reset button.

“Back to school means new routines so it can be a good time to revisit the rules or agree new rules in your home about internet use and time online,” says Jane McGarrigle, National Coordinator of Webwise.

Have regular conversations with your child about their life online.

“Important things to discuss are sharing personal information, being respectful, connecting with others and understanding that not everything is true online,” she says.

“Reassure your child that you trust them and they should always come talk to you about anything that comes up online.”

5. Building skills

“Teachers advise that if children have good self-esteem, they can demonstrate some degree of independence. If they have the social skills and the language and communication skills to make their wants and needs known, they have what they need to be successful in school,” says Mary.

“Self-esteem is about feeling loved, strong and capable,” she adds. “Spend a little bit of quality time with them each day, giving our full attention. Allow them opportunities to play and explore independently, trying new things and making mistakes.”

Mary advises encouraging children to be independent learners, allowing them to complete tasks themselves, and offering guidance only when needed.

“Think of yourself as scaffolding on a building – there for support,” she says. Doing jobs around the house helps develop both their independence and confidence in their own abilities.

“Reading sessions are great for developing language, encourage them to turn pages for you, and ask them questions as you read,” says Mary.

Give them time and show them you value their opinions by listening to them, whether it’s at meal times or before bed.

It might feel too soon, but parents should start as they mean to go on and ring in the changes before school returns.