‘First world problems’. It’s the old phrase we often utter as we shrug off any difficult situations or stress that we may feel building up. But registered psychologist Allison Keating is encouraging us to take our first world problems seriously, instead of simply dismissing them.
Owner and head psychologist at the bWell Clinic in Malahide, Co Dublin, Allison has been working with clients for 25 years, and in her book It’s All Too Much, which was shortlisted as Lifestyle Book of the Year at the 2024 An Post Irish Book Awards, she describes the chronic levels of stress and anxiety that people are experiencing.
“This relentless stress is nearly like a modern malaise. People think ‘I’m not that bad, first world problems’, but when we look to our health and the figures, they’re very serious in countries like Ireland. Genuinely, we do need to take action,” says Allison.
“So systemically, I’m always standing back and thinking about the fact that how we’re living is the norm, but it’s not actually normal. It’s not normal to kind of have to keep up with everything.”
“The problem is that our society is making us feel like everything is an emergency when it actually isn’t. So when that e-mail that comes in like it’s urgent, your old lizard brain goes ‘oh, I need to answer immediately’ or you go into that sense of I’ve done something wrong. It’s evolutionary.”
Allison did not write her book solely for women, but she is interested in the societal and biological factors that make women twice as likely to experience anxiety as men, according to research by the University of Cambridge.
“Research shows that 80% of people diagnosed with autoimmune disease are women,” says Allison. “Our bodies are in a state of that chronic anxiety. It leads to inflammation.
“There are societal reasons for this – women experience more domestic violence. Crimes against women are higher so they are more likely to experience post-traumatic stress disorder,” explains Allison.
“Gender also has a major impact because of that sense of visible and invisible duty and obligation that comes into play. There’s a lot of caring, and there is a cost to caring. We don’t value rest in society and I think women struggle with that concept of needing to be productive.”
Allison Keating, psychologist.
Why women?
“Sometimes that action is just to lie down, take a rest, watch the TV, it doesn’t always have to be self-improvement. I just think we’re nearly allergic to being even allowed to do something unproductive.”
“Women can also find it difficult to put boundaries in place and say no. A lot of women are socially conditioned to be a good girl, to not be difficult and to say yes.”
Differences in biology, hormones and brain chemistry can also be a reason why women tend to experience more anxiety than men.
However, the narrative around hormones can be negative and misunderstood, according to Allison.
“I think hormones are spoken about in a derogatory way. ‘Oh, you’re on your period, what’s wrong with you?’ rather than actually understanding that there’s a chemical component that is having an effect on your brain and your sensitivity to stresses at times during the month.”
What is interesting about the way that Allison communicates about mental health is that she grounds her analysis in a very specific Irish context.
“In Ireland, we had quite a narrow scope of what was emotionally acceptable. Certain emotions weren’t allowed in. A lot of people often weren’t allowed to express anger or sadness.”
However, Allison is noticing an interesting shift coming through with younger people.
“This generation of parents are working very hard to make more space for so-called messy emotions, that wouldn’t have been tolerated before. People are much more able to actually acknowledge their experiences.”
Pressures among farmers
There is a growing awareness about links between anxiety and farming. Financial worries, long working hours, loneliness and concerns about the future of farming are all stressors associated with the occupation.
Allison is alive to some of the anxiety prevalent in a rural context, having spent time on her grandparents’ dairy farm in Co Dublin as a child.
“I spent a lot of time down on my grandparents’ farm. I enjoyed being in the cowshed with my granddad but I also could see the reality. My uncle still works on the farm. He never went to things. There’s more help available now, but that the sense of duty and responsibility has a major impact.
“There are lovely aspects to it, but it is very hard. There’s no other job like it to be honest,” continues Allison. “You don’t clock off. There’s a lot of major cognitive load to figuring out how to do normal things, like being able to go on a holiday or go to someone’s wedding.”
It's All Too Much by Allison Keating.
Three Cs form Allison’s framework to address anxiety: curiosity, challenge and compassion.
Firstly, come in curious. “Most people are really mean to themselves. They’re like what is wrong with me? I’m really not coping well. I’m an awful person.
In farming, you don’t clock off. There’s a lot of major cognitive load to figuring out how to do normal things, like being able to go on a holiday or go to someone’s wedding
“In the book, I wanted to be this psychological destructor and change the narrative around even understanding our emotions, like the function of anger. If you frame it within the context of curiosity, it is so transformative because you finally get to understand yourself better and what your triggers are, and psychological growth comes from that.”
Allison then recommends challenging what is going on. “There’s so much you can do to work with your nervous system to be able to identify and challenge what’s actually going on for you. I suppose with anxiety, a lot of people feel very uncomfortable at the beginning because any physical sensitisation sets off a trigger.
“Have a journal and, in the evening, write out all the things that are bothering you. Then recognise that you can reach out and get therapy. Because just knowing you’re anxious isn’t good enough, it doesn’t help you at all.”
Finally, come in with compassion. “The self-compassion piece is so alien to people but I think the best way to do it is to imagine if it was your friend, because you would be compassionate to your friends. Compassion is a completely different way to come at it and it allows you to go back to seeing yourself as human, giving you the ability to change.”
Everyday joy
Allison is on a mission to demonstrate how to find everyday joy that is accessible for everybody.
“I’m not one of these people who does aspirational wellness. It has to be real. In the book, I talk about glimmers which are little moments in the day. It’s finding that light in your daily life where you glean moments of meaning and purpose, but also being mindful of what someone’s day is actually like. I think it’s annoying when people are like, just get up and do your 45 minutes of yoga.”
“I actually think farming is beautifully set up for it, because when you’re getting up early and you see the lovely sunrise, you can take that moment.”
Allison is looking up for her everyday joy. “Over the last year, we’ve had the most amazing skies. It’s astounding. I always wanted to see the Northern Lights and I’ve seen them twice this year in my back garden.”
“For me, nature is the ultimate grounding device. It inherently soothes your nervous system. The shape of trees, the sound of wind and leaves and sea. They’re all very regulating. Get outside no matter what. It just gives a different perspective. Even if you’re in a bad mood, walk off stomping and you have steam coming out your ears – after 20 minutes, your body will have naturally kind of calmed you down.”
Getting help
If you or someone you know have struggled with any of the themes in this story, support is available at:
• Aware: Freephone 1800 80 48 48, 10am to 10pm; aware.ie
• Samaritans: Freephone 116 123, any time; samaritans.ie
• Text About It: Free-text HELLO to 50808 for an anonymous chat with a trained volunteer, any time, textaboutit.ie
It’s All Too Much by Allison Keating
is available to buy in bookstores
nationwide. Follow Allison on Instagram @thepractical.psychologist
If you feel like you’re experiencing anxiety, look out for what Allison calls “the usual suspects of anxiety”. These include people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism, and a desire to control. These can also be related to your family role so ask yourself, are you perceived as the ‘doer’, the ‘giver’, or the ‘nurturer’? If anxiety has been building for some time, Allison says you might spot the three Is: irritability, intolerance and impatience. “You’re in the car and it’s just that level of tired. It’s that kind of wear and grind that really can knock that domino to anxiety. Then when you ignore it and ignore it and ignore it, it can come as a panic attack.”
‘First world problems’. It’s the old phrase we often utter as we shrug off any difficult situations or stress that we may feel building up. But registered psychologist Allison Keating is encouraging us to take our first world problems seriously, instead of simply dismissing them.
Owner and head psychologist at the bWell Clinic in Malahide, Co Dublin, Allison has been working with clients for 25 years, and in her book It’s All Too Much, which was shortlisted as Lifestyle Book of the Year at the 2024 An Post Irish Book Awards, she describes the chronic levels of stress and anxiety that people are experiencing.
“This relentless stress is nearly like a modern malaise. People think ‘I’m not that bad, first world problems’, but when we look to our health and the figures, they’re very serious in countries like Ireland. Genuinely, we do need to take action,” says Allison.
“So systemically, I’m always standing back and thinking about the fact that how we’re living is the norm, but it’s not actually normal. It’s not normal to kind of have to keep up with everything.”
“The problem is that our society is making us feel like everything is an emergency when it actually isn’t. So when that e-mail that comes in like it’s urgent, your old lizard brain goes ‘oh, I need to answer immediately’ or you go into that sense of I’ve done something wrong. It’s evolutionary.”
Allison did not write her book solely for women, but she is interested in the societal and biological factors that make women twice as likely to experience anxiety as men, according to research by the University of Cambridge.
“Research shows that 80% of people diagnosed with autoimmune disease are women,” says Allison. “Our bodies are in a state of that chronic anxiety. It leads to inflammation.
“There are societal reasons for this – women experience more domestic violence. Crimes against women are higher so they are more likely to experience post-traumatic stress disorder,” explains Allison.
“Gender also has a major impact because of that sense of visible and invisible duty and obligation that comes into play. There’s a lot of caring, and there is a cost to caring. We don’t value rest in society and I think women struggle with that concept of needing to be productive.”
Allison Keating, psychologist.
Why women?
“Sometimes that action is just to lie down, take a rest, watch the TV, it doesn’t always have to be self-improvement. I just think we’re nearly allergic to being even allowed to do something unproductive.”
“Women can also find it difficult to put boundaries in place and say no. A lot of women are socially conditioned to be a good girl, to not be difficult and to say yes.”
Differences in biology, hormones and brain chemistry can also be a reason why women tend to experience more anxiety than men.
However, the narrative around hormones can be negative and misunderstood, according to Allison.
“I think hormones are spoken about in a derogatory way. ‘Oh, you’re on your period, what’s wrong with you?’ rather than actually understanding that there’s a chemical component that is having an effect on your brain and your sensitivity to stresses at times during the month.”
What is interesting about the way that Allison communicates about mental health is that she grounds her analysis in a very specific Irish context.
“In Ireland, we had quite a narrow scope of what was emotionally acceptable. Certain emotions weren’t allowed in. A lot of people often weren’t allowed to express anger or sadness.”
However, Allison is noticing an interesting shift coming through with younger people.
“This generation of parents are working very hard to make more space for so-called messy emotions, that wouldn’t have been tolerated before. People are much more able to actually acknowledge their experiences.”
Pressures among farmers
There is a growing awareness about links between anxiety and farming. Financial worries, long working hours, loneliness and concerns about the future of farming are all stressors associated with the occupation.
Allison is alive to some of the anxiety prevalent in a rural context, having spent time on her grandparents’ dairy farm in Co Dublin as a child.
“I spent a lot of time down on my grandparents’ farm. I enjoyed being in the cowshed with my granddad but I also could see the reality. My uncle still works on the farm. He never went to things. There’s more help available now, but that the sense of duty and responsibility has a major impact.
“There are lovely aspects to it, but it is very hard. There’s no other job like it to be honest,” continues Allison. “You don’t clock off. There’s a lot of major cognitive load to figuring out how to do normal things, like being able to go on a holiday or go to someone’s wedding.”
It's All Too Much by Allison Keating.
Three Cs form Allison’s framework to address anxiety: curiosity, challenge and compassion.
Firstly, come in curious. “Most people are really mean to themselves. They’re like what is wrong with me? I’m really not coping well. I’m an awful person.
In farming, you don’t clock off. There’s a lot of major cognitive load to figuring out how to do normal things, like being able to go on a holiday or go to someone’s wedding
“In the book, I wanted to be this psychological destructor and change the narrative around even understanding our emotions, like the function of anger. If you frame it within the context of curiosity, it is so transformative because you finally get to understand yourself better and what your triggers are, and psychological growth comes from that.”
Allison then recommends challenging what is going on. “There’s so much you can do to work with your nervous system to be able to identify and challenge what’s actually going on for you. I suppose with anxiety, a lot of people feel very uncomfortable at the beginning because any physical sensitisation sets off a trigger.
“Have a journal and, in the evening, write out all the things that are bothering you. Then recognise that you can reach out and get therapy. Because just knowing you’re anxious isn’t good enough, it doesn’t help you at all.”
Finally, come in with compassion. “The self-compassion piece is so alien to people but I think the best way to do it is to imagine if it was your friend, because you would be compassionate to your friends. Compassion is a completely different way to come at it and it allows you to go back to seeing yourself as human, giving you the ability to change.”
Everyday joy
Allison is on a mission to demonstrate how to find everyday joy that is accessible for everybody.
“I’m not one of these people who does aspirational wellness. It has to be real. In the book, I talk about glimmers which are little moments in the day. It’s finding that light in your daily life where you glean moments of meaning and purpose, but also being mindful of what someone’s day is actually like. I think it’s annoying when people are like, just get up and do your 45 minutes of yoga.”
“I actually think farming is beautifully set up for it, because when you’re getting up early and you see the lovely sunrise, you can take that moment.”
Allison is looking up for her everyday joy. “Over the last year, we’ve had the most amazing skies. It’s astounding. I always wanted to see the Northern Lights and I’ve seen them twice this year in my back garden.”
“For me, nature is the ultimate grounding device. It inherently soothes your nervous system. The shape of trees, the sound of wind and leaves and sea. They’re all very regulating. Get outside no matter what. It just gives a different perspective. Even if you’re in a bad mood, walk off stomping and you have steam coming out your ears – after 20 minutes, your body will have naturally kind of calmed you down.”
Getting help
If you or someone you know have struggled with any of the themes in this story, support is available at:
• Aware: Freephone 1800 80 48 48, 10am to 10pm; aware.ie
• Samaritans: Freephone 116 123, any time; samaritans.ie
• Text About It: Free-text HELLO to 50808 for an anonymous chat with a trained volunteer, any time, textaboutit.ie
It’s All Too Much by Allison Keating
is available to buy in bookstores
nationwide. Follow Allison on Instagram @thepractical.psychologist
If you feel like you’re experiencing anxiety, look out for what Allison calls “the usual suspects of anxiety”. These include people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism, and a desire to control. These can also be related to your family role so ask yourself, are you perceived as the ‘doer’, the ‘giver’, or the ‘nurturer’? If anxiety has been building for some time, Allison says you might spot the three Is: irritability, intolerance and impatience. “You’re in the car and it’s just that level of tired. It’s that kind of wear and grind that really can knock that domino to anxiety. Then when you ignore it and ignore it and ignore it, it can come as a panic attack.” 
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