Dear Miriam,

I am married to a lovely man who works on his family farm part-time. We built close enough to his parents. For the most part, we have always gotten along well.

However, in more recent times, I’ve noticed that his mother has become a lot more vocal in some views, particularly when it comes to migrants. This was especially so during the recent elections.

I found it hard to listen to, being honest. I know that we all have a right to our own opinions, but some of the things she was saying were bordering on racism.

I have found it hard to hold my tongue at times. My husband says to just ignore it and that his mother has just been spending too much time on Facebook.

However, we have two young children and the last thing I want is for them to be exposed to these views. They go to school with children from different backgrounds and I think that’s a good thing.

I know services are stretched and that there are genuine concerns too, but I really can’t abide some of the stuff I hear spouted now.

What is the best way to handle this situation?

Tipp reader

Dear Tipp reader,

Many thanks for your letter, which I can appreciate must have been tough to write given the complexity of your issue.

Your concern surrounding your mother- in-law’s commentary on migrants is a valid one, where your children are exposed to such strong views. As I regularly advise readers however, the only way to broach conflict with family or friends is to sit down and talk it out.

Granted the concerns you have mean this will not be an easy discussion but so long as you lead the conversation with respect and acknowledge your mother-in-law’s right to her opinions, you should be able to express the fact these are not opinions you want influencing your own children.

Sometimes making someone aware of the other side of the argument can bring a fresh perspective to their opinion on a subject

Perhaps she isn’t aware of the multicultural dimension to the classroom these days? Or maybe she just needs reminding that migrants are people too, whose hopes and dreams are as valid as hers and those of her own family.

Social media has a knack of creating a bubble around those who seem to think that there are no consequences for expressing open hostility to others based on their race.

It can also be such a one-sided platform where those with a more tolerant viewpoint are dismissed and with no one to challenge such strong opinions, they go unchecked.

It wouldn’t do any harm to point out that the problems being experienced by Irish society such as homelessness and overcrowding in our hospitals were not brought about by migrants. Sometimes making someone aware of the other side of the argument can bring a fresh perspective to their opinion on a subject.

I can understand why your husband would urge you to ignore his mother, but perhaps he needs to be more proactive in dealing with this issue.

If both you and your husband speak to her about it, you may have a better chance of getting through to her about how inappropriate her behaviour is.

If she refuses to tone her comments down when she’s with your children, then you may want to consider limiting the amount of time they spend with their granny, although I’m sure this is not an option anyone wants to pursue.

Your only other route to achieving peace is for you to counter your mother-in-law’s comments by explaining to your children that in such instances, ‘Granny isn’t right about that’.

They are growing up in a very different society than she did and it’s your job to rear them with respect and tolerance for all people regardless of their country of origin.

I hope this helps.