For many years at work, I was targeted by one boss to do tasks that were outside our agreed terms and conditions.

Each time it happened our union explained to him that his actions were out of line. However, after a while he would try again. It was a very stressful time for me, I was constantly anxious and on edge waiting for the next episode.

Now I am retired but these events are still causing me problems. I am regularly waking up in the middle of the night feeling stressed, with an elevated heart rate and a general sense of fear. I am having trouble getting back to sleep and find I am getting angry all over again about what happened.

My partner seems to think I may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and has suggested I get help. Can you help me please?

- Sean, Co Cork

Dear Sean,

It sounds like you endured a very stressful time when you worked with your former colleague, who unfortunately seems to have abused his position of power by getting you to do work that was not within your remit.

The effects of workplace bullying can be severe. While you no longer work with this person, the trauma you experienced during these years has clearly left its mark.

Disturbed sleep is a physical manifestation of stress and the fact you are waking up with an elevated heart rate and heightened anxiety, years after the bullying occurred, suggests you are still gravely affected by what was clearly a very traumatic time in your life.

I agree with your partner, it is time to seek help. Reach out to your GP, who can provide a listening ear in the first instance, and will also be able to provide a referral for counselling, which I imagine would be the first step on the path to recovery.

Reader writes

Hi Miriam,

To the Donegal mother who doesn’t want to share her home, (Ask Miriam, 9 November 2024) it’s hard to blame the young couple for wanting to move back to a wonderful part of the world.

You will have a different relationship with your daughter now that your husband has passed away and there will be a new dynamic with her husband, your son-in-law in the mix. So many couples need to live with parents to ‘get going’ these days because it is really hard for them to buy a house.

From experience it can be a minefield having ‘two families’ living under one roof but you may have a big house which will help. If they do move in, remember that your utility bills will double and you will also need to agree rules regarding cooking times etc to avoid getting under each other’s feet.

I’m saying this from experience and I would urge you to consider all the options available. This could be a fantastic opportunity for all three of you.

- Kildare mother

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie