I’ve been living alone for the past 10 years since my wife passed and despite everyone thinking they know what’s best for me, I’m happy with my quiet and simple life.

My sons visit from time to time and they bring my grandchildren, who I get a great kick out of, but other than that I’m happy in my own company.

I’m not lonely or depressed. If I meet people in town when I go in to collect my pension, I always have a chat, and these conversations keep me up to date with all that’s happening in the community.

However, over the past few months, a person I know has decided that I need to have someone call each week to check in on me.

This lady is not much younger than me but I believe she thinks she’s my mother with all the fussing she does.

Have you eaten a hot meal? Are you able to bring in the turf on your own? Silly questions – and I’m finding it very hard not to reply and tell her to mind her own business.

I want to stop these visits but I don’t know how. I’m unsure who has decided this for me and that’s what’s vexing me most. I’m a grown man who can make his own decisions on how to live my life and I don’t need a busybody coming into my home and telling me what to do.

- Annoyed farmer, Louth

Dear reader,

While you don’t mention what age of a man you are, I think it’s a credit to you that you continue to have your independence and health 10 years on from losing the company of your late wife.

I’m glad your sons and your grandchildren are a presence in your life as this connection is so important, for people of all ages. But perhaps they are the ones who instigated these weekly calls, if they aren’t around to check in on you on a more regular basis?

The first thing to do is to speak with your family, to determine if they were the ones who arranged for the lady to call to you. You could calmly explain that the arrangement isn’t working for you and you’d like it to end. If they haven’t set it up, they could most likely find out who did, and intervene on your behalf.

You could also try to speak with the lady who does visit you and firmly but politely say you’d rather she didn’t call so often.

You have a right to decide who you welcome into your home and while her intentions are good, if her presence is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to ask her not to come back.

However, I would urge you to stay open minded. Independence is what we all strive for, from when we’re children, all the way through to our elder years, but it’s always a good idea to have strong connections in the community for those times when we need a little help.

For that reason, try not to antagonise this lady who obviously wants to do a good deed by checking in on you to see if you need anything, even if that’s just a cup of tea and a chat.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie