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Dear Miriam,
I am a single woman in my early 30s. A cousin of mine is getting married at the end of September. When the invite arrived to my parents’ house, however, I was included on their invite. I did not receive my own invite, or the option to bring a guest. My siblings- who are either married or in relationships- received their own invites, with their partners invited.
Even though I probably would have gone with my parents rather than invite a friend to a family wedding, I’m fuming. I feel like I’m a child being invited along with my parents out of pity! It has almost turned me off going to the wedding now, even though I was looking forward to it as I haven’t been to a wedding in ages.
My parents are pushing me to RSVP. They think I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. But it’s the principle. What do you think?
Single Reader
Dear Single Reader,
Thank you for your email. I really think that your cousin could have bought another stamp to send you your own invite, with the option of bringing a guest, especially if your siblings and their partners all received their own invitation. COVID restrictions on wedding guest numbers etc have been removed, so it’s not as if there is that excuse for it. It seems a thoughtless move on your cousin’s part, even though I’m sure there was no intention to hurt your feelings in this way.
So, what to do? You say in your email that you were really looking forward to the day, and had intended to go with your parents originally before the invite arrived. If that’s the case, I would probably still attend. Again, I understand how you feel and acknowledge the invitation was clumsily handled. But celebrations have been few and far between in recent years and if you really did want to go, I wouldn’t miss a good day out over how the invite was issued.
If it really does rankle though, you are not obliged to attend, and could instead plan a different day out/trip away with a friend.
Simply put, suit yourself! I hope this helps.
Dear Miriam, I’m wondering why some men just don’t get the meaning of marriage? To love and honour your future spouse, for better or worse, all the days of your life. This is the promise they make in the ceremony.
But so many women write to you lamenting their miserable marriages caused by workaholic husbands (and farming will consume every moment given to it), mean husbands, in varying senses of that word, and, as with the lady whose letter you published on 6 August, entitled “I feel totally invisible to the man I live with”, men who continue to live as if they were still single when, in fact, they are not.
In each case, the men are selfish, inconsiderate, unloving and taking for granted the person they should regard as their “other half”. In their actions, they show little understanding of the vows they made on their wedding day.
The majority of women who write to you on this matter do so, obviously, to seek advice. I wonder, however, how many, like the lady who wrote the recent letter, do not. In response to her husband’s continual caddish behaviour, she said, “I am not really writing to get a solution to my situation, it is what it is”.
To her, I would roundly say, “It may be what it is, but it most certainly is not what it should, and indeed, could be”.
To her, and all spouses (mostly women) who have been consigned to the corner, I recommend two brilliant books to assist them in taking back their life. The first is “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle, a should-be hand book for every woman. And the second is “Prepare to be Tortured” by Andrew B. Jamieson, which will be particularly insightful for some people. Both of these books will empower and support brow beaten partners in finding their mojo again and experiencing happiness in life, which is the right of everyone.
I wish anyone on this quest the very best of luck.
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