I recently read the letter in Irish Country Living from the 65-year-old lonely widow living in Clare who is searching for companionship and it made me think of my brother, who also lives in Clare.

He is 66 and a lifelong bachelor with a big heart and a good sense of humour.

While I’d love for him to meet someone, I think the main problem is that he has always lived in the family home, so he is a bit stuck in his ways.

He has had girlfriends and gone out on dates over the years, but he never wanted more than that, and he seemed to be content with his life, until now.

Our parents both passed away five years ago and my brother said he is feeling quite lonely and would like to meet someone to share his life with. But he finds it hard because he knows they will want to change everything about the house when they (in his words) ‘fall madly in love with me, want to get married and move in’.

But in all seriousness, the house is like a shrine to my parents, so I can fully understand why any woman would like to change it as it’s quite old-fashioned and needs a serious update.

I’ve said as much to my brother, but he just shrugs it off and says they need to love him – warts and all – and that includes leaving the house as it is. How can I get him to change his mind if he wants to find someone to share his life with?

- Worried Sister, Co Clare

Dear reader,

You sound like you want the best for your brother, but unfortunately we can’t force people to change their ways.

You can only try to influence and guide in the right direction for the changing will have to come in his heart and attitude. I’m sure you know that already, and I do understand your concern and desire for him not to be alone.

Have you considered that perhaps your brother – who sounds like a wonderful man – is refusing to change the house because he is still grieving the loss of your parents? Sometimes it’s not just about removing “stuff” or “redecorating”.

For example, the old dining table may represent countless family meals they shared, so it’s important to recognise that belongings, as well as how a house once looked through different milestones can still hold deep sentimental value to your brother.

However, with a thoughtful approach, you could help with this transition. You could suggest you both go through the memories and belongings or offer to paint one room. He may not know where to begin and feel a little overwhelmed doing it by himself.

Encourage him to make small adjustments, to put his own stamp on his home.

He may also feel that while he wants to meet and share his life with someone, he is unwilling to simply hand his home over to that someone. Try gently pointing out that this does not have to be the case, but if he does meet that special person, they may – eventually – want to create a home together, which reflects both of them, and tells both of their stories.

In the meantime, encourage your brother to get out and engage with people, join groups or clubs, volunteer, simply put himself in a position where encountering new people is a natural and enjoyable process. And try to make him see that not everyone he meets is waiting to call the skip company to clear out his house and banish the memory of your beloved parents.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie