Katherine O'Leary: building relationships with the teenagers

It is the season for petulant teenagers. They’re off school, finished exams and ready for fun.

While you might be thinking of getting a bit of whitewashing or power washing underway, they’re on WhatsApp planning several meet ups.

There are concerts all over the place that simply must be attended. The “everyone is going except me” line is pulled out. I’m so glad that we’re gone from that time. It was wonderful but very hard to keep all the teenage balls in the air. The bottom line is the need to keep them safe.

My advice is to drop and collect yourself and to always volunteer your place for their gatherings. It might sound tough but you’re building relationships and keeping your own gang safe. The bonus of having that party at your house is that you know your son or daughter is at home.

That brings great peace of mind.

Rule number two is to stay at home yourself. It’s not that you don’t trust them, it’s that you might not trust others because you don’t know them. Keep it all nice and simple and help them to deal with one crisis at a time.

Teenagers have a habit of creating drama as they learn to navigate relationships. That entails controlling tempers and eventually learning that the parents aren’t so bad after all.

Moody Molly

I was reminded of this petulant stage recently when we went to the Christy Moore concert in the Marquee.

It was a balmy evening and we were in nice and early. I spotted an ice cream truck and suggested to Tim that we’d have a cone. There was a small queue which was enough to scare my husband away. He said he’d go for a walk while I was queuing.

In front of me in the queue there were two girls with their parents. One was in her twenties while the other was about 15. We’ll call her Molly. She was a pretty girl but she had the sour face on. Engagement with her family was completely off the cards.

The other three were ignoring her while queuing for cones. The mother turned to Molly and asked if she’d like a cone, a 99 maybe? She declined the outrageous suggestion with a vicious stare.

The mother read the situation well and continued chatting to her other daughter. I recognised the uncomfortable demeanour of Molly. Maybe she didn’t want to be at the Christy Moore concert. Whatever the reason for her bad mood, she certainly didn’t want to be with her parents.

The other three were ignoring her while queuing for cones. The mother turned to Molly and asked if she’d like a cone, a 99 maybe? She declined the outrageous suggestion with a vicious stare

The queue moved on and the mother was ordering the ice creams. She tried one last time, shouting across to Molly who was now standing off to the side, “Molly, are you sure you don’t want a cone?” Molly shook her head and looked down at her feet. Her body language pleaded “why must my mother be so embarrassing?”

Christy could write a great song about her.

It is almost a rite of passage to adulthood to go through a phase of hating the parents. If we dig deep, we will remember times when our own parents embarrassed us. So, keep calm this summer and be there no matter what, building that relationship that will keep on giving forever.

The boys

Last week, a few of Philip’s friends, Breifne, Brian and Ed suggested that they’d come over for a few drinks and a barbecue to wish me well. Bear in mind that these lads are now in their thirties.

I was so touched and realised that my connections with these lads were forged in their teenage years. I ferried them to and fro. They had lots of parties in our house followed by sleepovers.

They came bearing flowers. Philip cooked steaks. I had the rest prepared. We reminisced and enjoyed a lovely evening and then, for old times’ sake, I drove the merry gentlemen home.

So if you are tearing your hair out managing petulant teenagers, keep in mind that it is about the future. The effort you put in now will come back to you in spades.

Christy gave us a great evening of thought provoking songs “On the banks, the banks, the beautiful banks of the river Lee, packed in tight on a Saturday night in the big Marquee.”

Look up the song The Big Marquee. A great celebration of people and places in Cork.

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