I have a problem that is making me feel deeply ashamed, but I have to tell someone. I recently agreed to let my adult daughter move home with her husband until they find somewhere to buy, but I am absolutely dreading having to share my private space with them.

I have been widowed for the past five years and my marriage wasn’t the happiest. When I found myself living alone, I started to enjoy the peace of having my own space and the freedom to do what I want.

My daughter has been living in Dublin since she went to college and we don’t have the closest relationship. She has decided to move back to the north-west simply because Dublin house prices are beyond their reach. However, there doesn’t seem to be too much on the market locally either so I’m worried they’ll move in and never move out.

How can I ask her to rent locally when I have already said yes to them moving in?

– Donegal mother

Dear reader,

You have no reason to feel shame. You have a right to a peaceful home, particularly when you did not have the happiest relationship with your late husband.

Unfortunately, the never-ending housing crisis has placed many families in the same situation, and it’s hard to blame your daughter for asking to move back in with you while she tries to buy a house. However, she needs to understand that she is moving back into your home and to that end, boundaries must be set if the arrangement is to be successful.

There is a strong chance that your daughter and her husband aren’t too keen on living with you long-term either.

My advice is the same I give many of our readers ­­– sit down and have a conversation where you calmly tell them both how you feel. If that seems too daunting, maybe meet your daughter outside the house first for a coffee or lunch and start the conversation.

I’m not sure suggesting they rent a place will be well received, but if you sense that your daughter may be happier with this option, then it would be no harm to float the idea to see what her reaction is. I would imagine that the reason they want to live with you is to save on rent, but if money isn’t an issue in that sense, then it is a reasonable suggestion in order to protect your relationship.

I hope you reach a solution before they make the move. It will be much more difficult to broach the subject if you wait until they are living in your home.

Reader writes

Dear Miriam,

I suggest to the Leinster lady who was left out of her friend’s 70th celebrations (26 October) to contact her friend and invite her out to mark her birthday.

Don’t mention the party unless she brings it up. If she does, ask if she had a good celebration, if her family, grandchildren and siblings attended, but stay away from asking about neighbours or friends.

This would be the chance to arrange your next outing together. Be big enough to put your own feelings aside. Family members may have arranged the party and perhaps you, and indeed others, may have been overlooked. Be wise.

– Regular reader

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to our Dear Miriam Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie