Dear Miriam,

I am writing to you as I feel thrown under the bus. I don’t want to sound dramatic, but I am very hurt. Last month, one of my best friends had a 70th birthday party bash and I wasn’t invited to it. I’ve been feeling quite down ever since.

I wouldn’t mind if it was a family affair, but other friends in our group were there and I only found out about this (secret) party by accident from one of my friends who was invited.

Prior to this, myself and the friend whose birthday it was, would go on day trips every month whether it would be shopping, a walk on the beach or exploring our local greenway. We have always had a great friendship, so I don’t understand why she left me out.

I have known this woman for the past 15 years and have supported her through thick and thin. I don’t want to lose our friendship over something so simple as not being invited to a party.

However, I am upset and hurt by her actions, and I can’t seem to let it go. I know at my age I probably shouldn’t care about these things but I do. Should I confront her about it? Or should I just let it slide?

Leinster lady

Dear Leinster lady,

I am sorry to hear your feelings have been hurt by not being invited to your friend’s party; feelings that are totally understandable given the duration of your friendship.

There are many possible reasons for your omission from the guest list. There may have been a limit on the numbers due to the party venue, or it may come down to the fact that your friend didn’t organise the celebration and whoever did was not familiar with your friendship.

You ask if you should let it slide. It seems difficult to know how to do this when, by your own admission, you are very hurt by the incident and feel you have been a good friend to this lady.

We have always had a great friendship, so I don’t understand why she left me out

However, you also say that you both enjoy monthly outings, which you would most likely miss if you were to broach the subject with your friend and it wasn’t well received.

Nonetheless, if you feel you could raise the matter with your friend in a healthy and respectful manner, where you could explain your feelings and clear the air, it might help to eliminate any tension that may be lingering between you both.

Hopefully, then you can put it behind you and continue to enjoy each other’s company for many more years to come in the future.

Reader writes,

I’m wondering if the lady featured in a recent edition of Irish Country Living on your 2 October issue, ‘My daughter is freezing me out of her life’ has considered that maybe her daughter had post-natal depression following the birth of either of her children? They’re only four and six years old.

I say this because I suffered with post-natal depression after our daughter was born and I was inclined to be distant with my husband and mother – those who are the closest to me.

Maybe this is a reason for this girl’s behaviour, but for now I wonder if her mum should step back and give her daughter some breathing space.

Kildare reader

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to our Dear Miriam Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie