I’m struggling with a former friend who has recently decided she wants to reconnect after us having very little to do with each other over the past decade or so.

We used to be really close; she was one of my best friends in school, but when I decided to leave my job to set up my own yoga business, she openly criticised my decision to walk away from a corporate career and kept her distance.

I’m not sure what’s behind her recent decision to organise lunches and suggest weekends away.

While I thought I could go along to the odd brunch or coffee date, the thought of spending continuous time with her, particularly where there is alcohol involved, fills me with dread.

She is obnoxious and domineering and no one else’s opinion is considered or even listened to. Spending time with her is such hard work.

She is adamant that because we have been friends for so long, we need to prioritise our friendship, but this smacks of hypocrisy to me as for many years, when I could have done with encouragement in my new venture, she was nowhere to be seen.

I don’t know how to cut ties properly as I feel I’ve exhausted every excuse I can think of to decline whatever invitation or suggestion she posts on the Whatsapp group chat. We live in a small town so it’s very hard to avoid her and I’d prefer for there not to be bad blood between us.

I don’t feel very confident in sitting down and explaining how I feel to her, as I don’t think she’ll listen to me.

How do I protect my peace by not having this woman in my life anymore? I’m struggling to find a way to tell her in a way that makes it final.

- Lorraine, Co Carlow

Dear reader,

Friendships can be tricky at any age, but those that feel like they’re hard work are the most difficult to navigate.

Your friend sounds like a very strong character, which I am sure at some point in your life you found an admirable quality.

People change, as do relationships and there is no rule-book that says you have to have anyone in your life, regardless of the history of your relationship.

You say you don’t think you’ll be heard if you try to explain your feelings to your friend.

Would putting your thoughts down in a letter be a better way of approaching the situation?

The constant need to dream up reasons not to partake in social occasions or coffee dates is exhausting, not to mention stressful, so it might be a better approach to confront her, even if that is in written form.

If you are to explain to her that you feel you no longer have things in common and that you wish her well in her future, the text invitations should stop.

I would caution against doing this online or by text. If she has a negative reaction to your approach it could spiral into something unsavoury.

But if you put pen to paper in a card, it might be a gentler yet firm declaration that your friendship needs to remain in the past. I wish you all the best and remember be kind to yourself.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie