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Spring is a time of change. March is in like a lion and out like a lamb and April, as TS Eliot says, “is the cruelest month” – not yet summer, but not winter either. It’s an in-between time of the year when we’re never really sure what the months will bring us weather wise, therefore our days and actions are often pre-determined by our fear of not knowing and trying to plan for the almost unplannable. We stutter through or pause our plans when our minds interrupt our flow with a “what if?”.
“I’d like to proceed but what if I’m wrong?”
“I’d like to plant/plough but what if it freezes/rains?”
“I’d like to learn how to dance but what if I’m no good?”
“I’d like to ask that person out but what if I’m rejected?”
“I’d like to try something new but what if I make a fool of myself?”
“What if other people laugh at me or judge me?”
What if I’m not enough…good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, wealthy enough… the list of “what ifs” is endless. So it’s often easier to just maintain the status quo. Does this status quo stance help us to feel happy though? For some people yes, and for some people no. Whatever your thoughts about occupying or expanding your comfort zone, let’s just explore one option for this month’s piece.
This tendency to focus on the “what ifs” can have a stifling effect on progress and growth and indeed on our levels of happiness. That’s a real shame, but the good news is there is a very simple strategy we can employ to have a very tangible effect on our response to any “what if”. So what I’d like us to explore is how we could change one word in that “what if”. How about on those occasions when you’re faced with this uncertainty and doubt, instead of “what if”, you thought “what is”? For instance, the assertion: “I’d like to try but what if I make a fool of myself?” Instead, let’s look at what is?: “Am I a fool really if I try something and it doesn’t work out?”
Is someone making their first attempt at anything and getting it wrong really a fool? No, a person making a first attempt at something new is generally considered to be a learner and a person who sees an opportunity for change, growth and progress – even if it doesn’t work out, that does not, in my book, match up with any description of a fool. After all, the person who never made a mistake, never made anything. And the great thing about trying something – whether it works or not –is that you always learn something.
Physical exercise: Mountain pose
Stand with your feet hip distance apart, both of the feet facing forward in the same direction. Press down into both feet, keep the knees slightly bent and arms down by your side with palms open. Then find your breath. As you breathe in, hold this position and as you exhale, try to extend through the fingertips and the crown of the head.
You’ll feel yourself reclaiming the space between the joints in your back, which we can sometimes find are compressed due to everyday wear and tear and indeed gravity. Then you can allow yourself to notice what’s on your mind, what are you giving your attention to? Then direct your attention to your breath and just stand there, firmly rooting your feet into the floor and extending as you exhale, being with your breath, being with yourself. Stay here for as long as you like. You may well find that you are a pleasant person to be with.
Mindfulness practice
Practice a body scan using your newfound “what is” mantra. What (part of the body) is touching the ground/floor? What is touching the chair when you’re sitting? Allow your focus and attention to linger on each part of the body for as long as you like. It doesn’t have to take a long time.
Try practicing it for two minutes and you can practice it as many times in your day as you like. I always recommend practicing your focus at a time when you are not overwhelmed or in the midst of a difficult situation. That way, when you do enter a stressful situation, you can draw upon the reserves you have built up within yourself. It’s a very powerful tool to have at your disposal.
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