Dear Miriam,

Our daughter just sat her Leaving Cert in June.

She has applied to study primary teaching in college. However, since the exams finished, she has had a change of heart. She now says that she wants to do hairdressing, and even if she does get a place for teaching, she won’t be accepting it.

I have great respect for hairdressers; God knows I’d be lost without my own. But I would much rather that my daughter went to college to study teaching. She says that it is her life and her choice. What would you advise?

Worried mother

Dear worried mother,

Many thanks for your letter. It has undoubtedly been a stressful few months for both your daughter and you.

The Leaving Cert is seen as a rite of passage for many young people and while third-level education is often considered the holy grail, there are many paths for students to pursue once they finish secondary school.

Your daughter is right, it is her life and her choice and in many ways the system is very unfair making people decide their career path at such a young age. That is not to undermine your concerns, but as a mother that is innate and doesn’t switch off as soon as they reach 18.

It is very difficult as a parent to watch our children make decisions that we feel aren’t necessarily the correct ones. But our jobs as parents is to support them in these choices and to help them navigate the ups and downs of life.

Her reluctance to take up a place in university straight away doesn’t mean she won’t get there eventually.

Should she do well in her exams and secure a place on a primary teaching course, she will have the option to defer for a year. This can be done once she has received an offer from CAO. It involves emailing or writing to the Admissions Office of the college as soon as the offer arrives.

This would give her the option of pursuing her preference of training to become a hairdresser. The first year of that course will tell her if this is the path most suited to her and if it is, well then, she will be on her way to a very good career. She will also have the comfort of trusting in her decisions and this will boost her confidence and self-esteem.

In 12 months’ time, if she decides hairdressing is not the career for her, she can go back to her previous career choice of teaching, again knowing that this is her decision and not something forced upon her.

If she is not offered a place on a teaching course and decides not to take up the offer she does receive, I would urge you to respect that decision for now. College isn’t going anywhere and even in the absence of a deferred place on a course, your daughter will have the option of attending as a mature student.

I wish your daughter the very best in her Leaving Cert and hope you can enjoy her success for what it is, the end of secondary school and the start of a new chapter.

Reader Writes

Dear Miriam,

Regarding the recent letter (“He wants our son to go to boarding school”, 15 June edition), I was in one myself and I have mixed feelings today. That child is better with his pals from primary school. He is possibly shy by nature, but so what?

I had two boys and both went to day schools. Even today they talk about the fun walking home with their pals, even if it was raining. I got them good rain gear and they got on with it, no picking up in the car. That young boy will turn out just fine. Not everyone is sporty and outgoing.

John, Mayo.