I’m sure I’m not the only one of your readers who isn’t looking forward to the next few weeks. I find I’m living on my nerves over the Christmas period. It’s just my husband and me at home now, although we will be invited to my son’s house to share Christmas Day with my gorgeous grandchildren and lovely daughter-in-law, who always does her best to make me feel welcome and at home.

However, the scourge of drink will come with us and, while my husband will be on his best behaviour during the day, once we arrive home on Christmas night, he won’t be happy until he has made his usual dent in the bottle of brandy. He’s normally a very quiet man, who has worked hard to provide for his family down through the years, but drink changes him into an angry person.

Thankfully, he isn’t violent but his mood becomes so dark it just forces me to retreat as I hate the person he turns into. I have tried many times to talk to him about it but he won’t have a word of it and calls me crazy for even suggesting he has a problem.

My daughter-in-law knows something is amiss but I feel I would be betraying the family, or causing trouble between her and my son if I were to confide in her.

How can I get through Christmas with any kind of peace knowing this is ahead of me again?

- Eileen, Kilkenny

Dear reader,

Christmas can be a very emotional time for many, as it is not always the stuff of magic and dreams.

Family dynamics are tested and we all feel that pressure of having to enjoy every second of the ‘most wonderful time of the year’.

Carrying the emotional burden of living with your husband and his drink dependency isn’t easy.

No one can really understand the situation unless they have lived through it and even then, each story of addiction is unique as is the effect it has on the person’s loved ones.

For that reason, I would refrain from involving your daughter-in-law just yet. She may have her suspicions but that’s all they are unless you confide in her.

I think it would be more constructive to seek help from someone outside the family who can offer practical, impartial support.

Al-Anon is an organisation that supports people whose loved ones are dealing with addiction. Their helpline operates from 10am to 10pm, seven days a week and is staffed by a team of volunteers who share their own experience. Freephone 01 873 2699.

You can also free phone the HSE Drug and Alcohol helpline on 1800 459 459. The helpline will be open Monday 21-24 December and closed until Tuesday, 29 December.

Talking through your worries and concerns can be the first step to getting the help you need.

Your husband’s drinking is not within your control but how you react to his behaviour is, and by seeking support and advice from people who have had a similar experience, you can start your own journey to healing.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie