Dear Miriam,

While this is a small problem in the great scheme of things, I was hoping to get some advice all the same.

My brother got engaged recently. He and his fiancée announced that they plan on getting married this time next year.

I wasn’t expecting to be the maid of honour or anything, but I was expecting to be asked to be part of the bridal party

This all great excitement in the family and I am so happy for them, but there’s one small thing that’s casting a shadow over it for me: my sister-in-law to be hasn’t asked me to be a bridesmaid!

Now Miriam, I wasn’t expecting to be the maid of honour or anything, but I was expecting to be asked to be part of the bridal party. I get on very well my brother’s fiancée; they’ve been going out years, we’re of a similar age and we would often hangout together.

She’s asked her two sisters and her best friend. Now, I didn’t think I’d replace any of them, but she could have made it four bridesmaids. Anyway, I’ve actually said it to my brother, but he took absolutely no notice of me. He more or less told me it’s nothing to do with him.

I don’t want to cause trouble, but it’s really playing on my mind

I don’t know now Miriam if I should say it to my sister-in-law to be or not? I don’t want to cause trouble, but it’s really playing on my mind. She’s all chat about the hen and every thing, but I can’t seem to get myself excited for it all.

I don’t know whether to just say it to her, as it’s on my mind, or bite my tongue.

What do you think I should do?

Snubbed Sister

Dear Snubbed Sister,

Thank you very much for getting in touch. Weddings – what a wonderful time in a family, but also, as you have you have outlined, they can bring their own particular stresses.

I do feel, and this is just my own opinion, that in our modern world wedding stress may get a bit out of hand.

Just from listening to the experiences of people in my own circle, there seems to be more tension on friendships and various relationships because of weddings. And again, in my own opinion, much of this is unnecessary.

I do think it is a natural reaction to be a bit put out

I will be blunt and say straight out that I think you should bite your tongue and stay stum in this instance. In saying that, I am not trying to be harsh. I do genuinely understand why you would feel hurt by not being asked to be a bridesmaid and I do think it is a natural reaction to be a bit put out.

That said, there can only be a certain amount of bridesmaids and your sister-in-law seems to have asked just those very close to her. That doesn’t mean that she thinks less of your relationship. I guess what I am saying is: don’t take it personally.

I would tell myself it is nothing personal and jump on the bandwagon and be excited from them

I don’t think there is anything to be gained from speaking with her and I feel it will just cause unnecessary stress and drama. So in this instance, I would tell myself it is nothing personal and jump on the bandwagon and be excited from them.

Again, to reiterate, I don’t think you being upset is an abnormal reaction, allow yourself to feel this way and then move on.

I hope you all have a great time in the run up to and during the celebrations.

Wishing you all the best,

Miriam

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