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Dear Miriam,
I don’t really feel comfortable discussing this issue with anyone else. I think it would cause my friends and family to cast aspersions on my marriage, so I’d appreciate your advice.
Myself and my husband have been married for nearly 10 years now. We’re in our early 40s.
Like most couples we’ve had our ups and downs but never anything too serious thankfully.
I would always have been fairly slim up to having my children, then I put on weight
While this mightn’t be the biggest issue, it’s really starting to bother me the last while. I’ve lost weight and I think my husband has an issue with it.
I would always have been fairly slim up to having my children, then I put on weight, maybe about two jeans sizes or so. It wasn’t anything massively drastic but, at the same time, I was unhappy with it.
A bit of extra time on my hands during the pandemic, coupled with the kids being a bit older, and I managed to lose a bit of weight. Roughly around the two jeans sizes I would have put on, which I was very happy with. I worked hard; I got into a bit of running and ate well.
Anyway, I brushed these comments off at the time but I still can’t shake the feeling that he has an issue with me losing weight
However, I’ve noticed my husband making comments the last while which are starting to get under my skin. He said to me one day that he “preferred me with a little more meat on bones”. And more or less implied on another occasion that I was no fun anymore, which I feel is very unfair. I think I don’t limit myself overly, but I am a bit cleverer with my food and drink choices now.
Anyway, I brushed these comments off at the time but I still can’t shake the feeling that he has an issue with me losing weight. I don’t want to have to put up with more of these comments going forward, what do you think I should do, Miriam?
Wife and Mammy, Munster
Dear Wife and Mammy,
Thank you very much for reaching out and getting in touch. I would like to start off by congratulating you on your hard work. If you feel better in yourself, that is a great thing. Fair play.
With regard to the issue you are having with your husband, I understand where you are coming from. If you have put a lot of effort into something and feel like you are not being supported by your other half, that can be very disheartening.
Your husband should be happy for you. Simple as
In any kind of a relationship – whether that be friends, family or romantic – if one side makes changes to better themselves then, as a consequence, the other side can feel bad about themselves.
Going forward, be it on this topic or another, if your husband says something that bothers you, don’t let it slide
Now they shouldn’t, but such is the human condition. However, we must be big enough people to get over these feelings. Your husband should be happy for you. Simple as.
Going forward, be it on this topic or another, if your husband says something that bothers you, don’t let it slide. Now, I know we must pick our battles to some degree, but we also have to stand up for ourselves too.
I am going to assume that some time has passed since these incidents. If you still get the feeling this is an issue for your husband, I would bring it up. Also, if your husband does say anything of a similar sort again, I would definitely address it.
As I said, communication is key in any relationship. If you say nothing, nothing will change
It doesn’t have to be a big argument, but clear communication is key.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and tell him the way he is acting is unacceptable and that you expect him to be supportive on this issue. As I said, communication is key in any relationship. If you say nothing, nothing will change.
Again, well done on doing something to make yourself happy.
Wishing you all the best in the future,
Miriam
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