My husband snores so loudly that I cannot stand to sleep in the same room as him and I’m worried it’ll start affecting our relationship. Or I should say, my parents are worried. I brought it up recently with them, joking that we’ve had a ‘sleep divorce’ and now I regret saying anything at all.

Thankfully, we have a spare room, so if I have to be up early the next day or need a good night’s rest, I sleep in there. I also snore so I can’t lay all the blame on him and I sometimes talk in my sleep as well, which wakes him up.

So more often than not, we were going from one room to the other with neither of us getting a good rest. While we’re usually in the same bed as we fall asleep, I get woken up by his snoring during the night, and vice-versa – so we have come to an arrangement during the week to sleep in different rooms.

While it would be lovely to cuddle up in bed together, fall asleep, stay asleep and not wake up with one of us snoring, that’s not the reality. We have both tried earplugs – and found them too uncomfortable – mouth guards, and we have asked the GP to check for sleep apnoea. While we both need to lose a bit of weight, he was not overly concerned and said neither of us have the condition.

I’ve tried to explain to my parents that the ‘sleep divorce’ helped save our relationship and sanity, but they are very old fashioned and think we should be in the same bed together, no matter what.

Our intimacy has not been affected, so it hasn’t created distance, rather it has nurtured a healthier sleep routine. So I really don’t understand what the problem is for them. While this may not resonate with everyone, it has worked for us, but they won’t let it go and keep asking if everything is okay with us. How can I make them stop?

– Sleepy in Sligo

Dear reader,

You sound like you have come up with a solution to keep yourself and your husband happy, so I wouldn’t worry too much about what other people think.

Your parents may be of an age that considered sleeping in the same bed a hallmark of a good married life.

However, over the last few years, more couples are choosing to sleep in separate bedrooms – a practice sometimes dubbed as a “sleep divorce”.

And while the term may sound drastic, all it means is that partners opt for separate sleeping arrangements in pursuit of a good night’s rest and keeping your sanity. It should really be called a “sleep alliance” considering it’s a solution to a common problem.

This decision is not a sign of a failing relationship but instead a mature, practical approach to solving a common problem.

However, resentment can develop if one partner feels forced into sleeping separately or if the decision to do so isn’t mutually agreed upon, but it sounds like you are both on the same page when it comes to your arrangement.

Think of sleeping in separate bedrooms as an investment in both your and your husband’s mental and physical health – as mature and sensible adults you don’t need your mam and dad’s approval.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie